So Much Love

This parenting thing is the real deal. I know people would tell me, “your heart is going to explode” and “you’ll love him more than you know” – and yes that’s true, but it took me a while to get to that point.

I loved those embryos when we did the transfer. I loved Wilder when he was born. I had so much love and I was/am so happy. But now, I love him so much more, I cry everyday when I look at him. I just look at him and think what a precious miracle he is. I look at him and think, “I created those toes.” I look at him and see this beautiful baby boy and fall so much more in love with him. I just can’t believe he’s mine.

I was very cautiously optimistic about it in the beginning. I was excited, but somewhat guarded. I didn’t know what to expect. Even when he was born, it wasn’t real to me. I knew I had this baby and I knew I loved him. But it wasn’t until now that I’m emotional about him. If I go somewhere and he’s in the car seat, I miss him and can’t wait to hold him. Right now, he’s napping in his rocker. NAPPING IN HIS ROCKER. This is a first and I haven’t held him in about 2 hours. And I want to pick him up and hold him!

I have all of these feelings going on. When the new iPhone 7 commercial with the balloons come on, I cry every time because I think of Wilder. I’m almost more emotional now than I was when I was pregnant. I really can’t imagine my life without him.

Here’s a Q&A with Jake:

Do you feel different: Yes, because my time is used differently now.

How much do you love Wilder: a lot why?

What has been the scariest thing so far about keeping a tiny human alive: That I don’t know how to keep a tiny human alive. There is no owners manual.

What’s the best part about having a baby: When he smiles and laughs.

So far, what is your favorite memory with Wilder: When he laughed for the first time with us, when we were both in there.

Who do you miss more when you’re at work – Wilder, Me, or Lincoln: That’s a tough question. Probably you because I don’t have to change your diapers or get you to stop crying. I miss you both equally, but you are less maintenance.

What is one thing you are looking forward to teaching Wilder: How to cook.

Do you think Wilder is a lefty like you: Maybe. It seems like he might be.  

What is your favorite baby gadget so far: The Co Sleeper pillow

What do you wish was easier: Holding him. To not have to do it all the time. He’s needier than Lincoln.

Do you miss your bro time with Lincoln: Sometimes

Jake’s Q&A for Kolby:

What is your favorite part of the day with him: The morning because we laugh and play and he’s really happy

What is your worst part of the day with him: The afternoons are harder because he gets a little fussy when he doesn’t get to nap on me. I feel like I have a lot to do and can’t get anything done. I barely manage to eat lunch sometimes.

Who cries more during the day you or him: Wilder cries more, but not by much.

How many hours a day do you spend holding him: Probably 10 hours a day – either sleeping on me or me trying to get him to sleep or playing.

Who has to change outfits more in a day you or him: Right now it’s Wilder, but today I wore two outfits! Most days I don’t change out of my yoga pants and tank tops.

What has been fun for you the last few months with Wilder: I have really loved watching Nebraska games with him and getting excited about the Huskers. I can’t wait to take him to a game someday. It can be “our thing” like it is with my Dad.

Are you looking forward to going back to work full time: I am excited to get back to work. But I’m lucky I have my girls so I can spend more time with Wilder. I didn’t think I would like being with him everyday. I do like some breaks and me time sometimes, but it’s been nice being able to take care of him and watch him grow.

12 Weeks Old Update

Wilder’s personality is really starting to show. He’s always been so alert and bright eyed. He’s now starting to smile and laugh. He talks a lot too. Wonder where he gets that from.

He loves:

  • Playing and reading with Jake
  • looking at everything
  • watching Lincoln
  • playing airplane
  •  chewing on everything
  • looking at himself in the mirror

He hates:

  • when I sneeze and blow my nose
  • not being held
  • when you stop feeding him to burp. He’s a hungry boy.

The feeling that I have for him is indescribable. He’s just the most amazing. I made this:

xoxo Kolby

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