You guys….he’s here! And I could not be more in love. I was nervous. I was scared. And when I look at him, I think, “what was I so afraid of”. He’s perfect. I’m still in awe that this lil guy was inside me. I grew him. It’s so crazy.
Jake and I are adjusting to having a newborn in the house. It’s been hard some days since he’s back at work already. More on our first week in another post.
Anyway, I wanted to share my birth story. It was very long and some parts scary. There are things I wish I knew before hand, but I guess lesson learned.
When I went to the doctor Tuesday, August 2nd (my due date), I still hadn’t changed. I wasn’t dilated. I had pain in my legs and feet. I had horrible heartburn, and this crazy cough.
I also was at the point where I wanted to answer my phone, “I’m still pregnant.” It was hard because I know everyone is/was excited, but it put added stress and pressure on me. I think it was also because I couldn’t control when labor would happen.
My doctor told me if I hadn’t gone into labor by then, to come in Monday night at 5PM to be induced. At first, we didn’t know why so late. It wasn’t until later that we learned why. I researched Cervidil (a vaginal insert to soften/ripen the cervix) and Pitocin (a synthetic oxytocin to induce labor). The point is to have Cervidil in for 12 hours and sleep. I didn’t sleep much because of the nurses monitoring and the excitement of when will this baby come out. I was nervous to be induced, but I was 41 weeks pregnant and I know there are risks for that as well. The other thing I was nervous about was that my body wasn’t supposed to get pregnant, so since I was pregnant, I felt it didn’t want to not be pregnant and hold the baby in. I know, sounds crazy.
Once I was admitted, it took about an hour for a nurse to ask me questions that I feel like I’ve answered a 100 times. The one thing that I laughed at was that they asked if I felt safe at home and something about abuse. I was thinking are you really asking me this in front of my husband? Needless to say, Yes, I feel very safe at home.
She was pretty rough with me putting the cervidil in. It basically is a thin string they insert in your cervix. The nurse had to get on the bed, push on my uterus and stick her hand straight up in my business. It hurt worse than checking my cervix and was kind of painful. Once that was in, we just sat there. I had to lay in bed flat on my back for 2 hours. The birthing beds were the most uncomfortable since they are two pieces. Once I was able to move, I had to lay side to side and could finally get up to pee.
[Jake was already bored and I had only been there a few hours at this point]
[last bump pic – 41 weeks 1 day]
My mom and Jake’s parents were up as well. We ordered pizza at about 10 PM and watched the Olympics. My mom and Leann slept in the waiting room while Scott came to our house to take care of Lincoln. You have to leave the cervidil in for 12 hours……12 HOURS! Sleeping was hard because the nurses came in about every 2 hours to check the monitors and check on me. Even though they were trying to be quiet, it was hard to sleep.
I tried to make the best of it snapchatting my friends and the experience.
In the morning (Tuesday), she checked my cervix and effacement and still NO CHANGE.
They removed the first cervidil and let me walk around for a bit. Then, they came in to insert the second. This time, she used a speculum and I thought no big deal. That’s been done during a pap. Well this time, HOLY HELL. That hurt pretty bad. Because I had one in there for 12 hours, my cervix was soft and a little sore.
At about noon, I was getting stressed out. I started crying. I had basically been on bedrest since 5 PM the night before. My body hurt. I had monitors hooked up to me and the baby, so it was hard to move around. I couldn’t leave the Birth Center. I started thinking about how long I’d have to be here. How long would I be in labor? How much would this cost? How is the store? I hadn’t checked my accounts or emails. The nurse could tell I was a bit stressed and called my doctor. He had worked an overnight and had Tuesday off, but he came in anyway.
He checked me again around 2:00 PM (the nurse said she wasn’t going to check until 9 PM). He said they could start pitocin and I was excited. I was like, “let’s get this baby out.”
Shortly after, Jake went to hang out with his Dad and Leann came in the room. I decided to stand up from sitting on the birthing ball. I was bouncing around talking and then stood up. I was going to hit up the bathroom and maybe walk around the birth center. I noticed on the monitor that the baby’s heartbeat dropped significantly. We both were like, “the nurses are watching and if they are concerned, they’ll come in” and before we finished that thought, 3 nurses rushed in. They put me on the bed on my side. They were talking about finding the heartbeat. I learned from watching Grey’s Anatomy to not worry and to not ask questions so they can get their job done. They switched me to the other side. Nothing. Then, they said, get on your hands and knees. They grabbed the oxygen mask. Leann ran out and grabbed Jake and my mom. Since I was on my hands and knees with no undies, my butt and vajay were just hanging out there (facing the wall).
Jake walked in and heard they were trying to keep resuscitating the baby. He looked at me wide eyed and scared. He came to the bed, looked at me, and held my hand. I tried not to cry. I could tell he was worried and didn’t know what was going on. He later told me he texted his mom “what happened?”
After a few minutes, they found the heartbeat and I was able to lay back down. They had set the pitocin at 6. It can go all the way to 24, so it was still a low dose. They said either he didn’t like it being that high or when I stood up, he grabbed the cord or had it wrapped around him.
After that, I was basically on bed rest again and they dialed down the pitocin to 4. I felt defeated again. And cried that night. They checked again, and NO CHANGE! I just wondered to myself how long this would go on for. Once I started going into labor, would I be in labor another 24 hours?
Jake and I had a real talk after the nurse left. She said at any point I could say I wanted a C-Section. It wasn’t something I originally wanted, I just wanted this to be over.
Part of the stress was again the waiting and not knowing, the other part the hospital bill. I felt like I didn’t know the “what’s next” part. How long do we wait? I am so Type A, it was so stressful for me. And also, I was getting hangry. I hadn’t eaten much since noon since they won’t let you eat after you start pitocin. People were texting and calling and I had no news and no changes.
They upped the pitocin again and yet again, they couldn’t find the baby’s heartbeat. They hooked me up to oxygen again. Another scare.
We told our parents to head to our house and not sleep at the hospital. The nurse offered me an antihistamine to try to help me sleep since I maybe got 2 hours the night before. At about 2:30AM (Wednesday 8/10/16), the nurse came in and checked on me. I needed help going to the bathroom since I was all hooked up to IV’s and wires.
Then once she left, I had 4 painful contractions in a row. She came back in and asked if I felt those, I said yes. Active labor had started finally. Jake and I got up and walked around the Birth Center. I ate about 2 popsicles and held onto him for dear life. After a while, I said I was ready for the epidural. As the epidural guy said, “you don’t have to be a hero” – and I already knew that. I said drugs from day 1.
At 6 AM, I was dilated to a 5. They brought me the drugs finally. The epidural didn’t hurt. It was a small pinch and mostly uncomfortable. They did it as I was having a contraction so I think that helped with the pain. It took a bit to kick in, but then I was hooked up and ready. Also had a catheter inserted. Stuck in the bed for sure this time. And no food. Popsicles can only go so far.
At 7 AM, my doc came in and checked me out. I was dilated to a 6. He decided to break my water. The water was greenish which means Wilder had pooped in the uterus, meaning he was in his first poop called meconium. They also had to monitor that to make sure he didn’t swallow or get into his lungs. My doctor did tell me that if I hadn’t been dilated, he was going to talk to me about a c-section. I’m glad I didn’t have to do that, but it made me feel good that he had a back up plan. He said that I was so stressed out that the epidural and antihistamine could have helped relax me and my cervix.
Anyway, sometime in the afternoon, I was dilated to 7 CM. A friend and vendor friend Katrina with Studio Laguna was coming to photograph the birth, so I had to call her when I made it that far. She got there at about 4 PM. It was nice having her there because there were things I didn’t think about. Like how I need a checklist of things, how I liked to be explained the processes. She helped me figure out the right questions to ask and right things to say to make sure we were all on the same page. She is studying to be a midwife and it was great having someone else there to help me with asking and demanding the right things.
[they used a “peanut ball” and rotated me side to side to help get baby out- photo Studio Laguna]
It was about 8:30 PM at this point – no food. in bed. They came in and I had woke up. Katrina had said something to me and I felt good asking them to check me again. Good thing! They said, “Ok, are you ready? Let’s get the doctor in here, it’s time”
My mom, Jake, and Katrina were in the room with me as it was all going down. At this point, your modesty goes out the window. My mom stood in the back corner not making a sound, but crying and praying. She wanted to be out of the way but wanted to be there for me if I needed her.
I had my hospital playlist (mostly rap you know this) and I needed to jam out. I kept telling them to turn it up so I could hear it. I started pushing at 9 PM. I hadn’t realized that because I had IV’s and an epidural, that my legs would be 50 lbs each and I couldn’t lift them.
[photos Studio Laguna]
They had a nurse on one side, and Jake on the other. They say push and you really don’t know what that means until you have to do it. You think you know it will be hard, but it’s like holding your breath and pushing your eye balls out. I would push during contractions about three or four times, then pause for a break. They gave me an oxygen mask which made me fall asleep during pushes. I hated it, but they wouldn’t let me take it off.
[photo Studio Laguna]
Then it just gets hard. I pushed and pushed and nothing was working. I’m pretty sure I pooped as well, but they wouldn’t tell me. I said, “I need to know for my blog.” I felt like giving up. I cried. Literally, the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I was pretty calm, rapped a little during breaks, maybe told Jake he wasn’t holding my leg right. But I felt like I couldn’t do it anymore.
They kept saying, “One more” or “You’ve got this” or “almost there” and to me, that doesn’t help when you’ve been saying it for the last hour. I almost wanted them to uncover the mirror just so I could see the progress.
[photos Studio Laguna]
At that point, I was crowning. My doctor told me to feel his hair, feel his head. I was weirded out, but did it. I was so close. I knew I had to push and push hard if I wanted this over with.
Jake could see his head coming out and then when I stopped pushing, go back in. That happened several times.
I was pushing hard. Then I hear this crack. I said, “Oh my back cracked, that felt nice” – and now, I’m pretty sure I cracked my tailbone because after the epidural wore off, I couldn’t stand or lay on my back. I hobbled over and couldn’t walk. Getting out of the bed and chair was so painful.
As I’m on my final push, I hear stop pushing, but I was so committed I didn’t hear my doctor. Then he got really cautious and the nurses said, “Stop pushing.” Jake looked over and saw him. He saw what was going on.
Not only did he poop in utero, the cord was wrapped around his head and his neck. He had to go back in, then I had to push him out again. I didn’t know what was happening. I just started crying. He finally came out. They showed him to me and he was all greenishy yellow. They immediately took him to the little bed where they clean him off. They had to quickly cut the cord. He didn’t cry until they brought him to the table. Once they checked him over, barely making a peep, they let Jake cut what was left of the cord. Jake didn’t want to cut it at all. He didn’t even want to see the birth.
Then, they finally handed him to me. I cried. There were so many emotions going around it was hard to know how my mom was, how Jake was. As they were cleaning him off, I had Jake text his parents and my Dad.
[photos Studio Laguna]
I knew he had a ton of hair, but they didn’t wash him completely. I was exhausted. I was emotional. He is mine. He’s here.
As they were doing cleaning him off and checking him over, there was a lot going on down south. I found out later that I had a first degree tear. Also, they had to manually remove the placenta from my uterus. My doctor a said he scraped out as much as he could. Baby boy was planning on staying in there for a while.
Luckily, I didn’t feel much of that. It is true that you really don’t care at that point. The nurse had to go into the bathroom with me and show me how to make and wear my giant pad. I couldn’t pee at first. I was so scared! And then we hit the bath! She said, “If you pee in the bath, that’s OK too.” This healing process is no joke.
I have to constantly monitor my bleeding as I’m high risk for infection due to the manual removal of the placenta. I have to monitor clots. Another part that has been a little hard is for Jake to see me and my body so vulnerable. He’s had to help me go to the bathroom (to check my clots) and help me bathe. Also, because everything is so loose down there, I fart a lot. And loud ones. And when he gives me that look – I start laughing and farting more. At least he thinks it’s funny too.
[We are now a family of 4 – counting the dog too of course!]
We finally got to go home Friday morning. We had little sleep and no manual for this little guy. But look at him!!!!!! I’m so obsessed. He looks just like Jake. He’s my little “Jake Baby” for sure.
This week has been crazy and wonderful and amazing. Thank you all for your love and support! Wilder is making the news already – but more on that later too.